Thirteen- Julie

Per Nucci (2002 edition, p. 33-34), "The developmental patterns of thinking within the personal domain are consistent with the development of concepts of the self". (Damon & Hart, 1988) Therefore, I can clearly see the connection between an adolescent's attempt for autonomy from parents and school authority, yet striving to gain a clear sense of identity and personal domain in relation to being true to oneself while adjusting to peer pressure.

Many teens successfully work through their teenage angst and 'push for control'. Unfortunately, the ones who 'fall through the cracks' are usually the students who come from broken or dysfunctional homes. These adolescents are unable to find a balanced, confident and healthy identity because the parental authority figures in his/her life are broken themselves. Such is the case with Tracy and her parents. The aftermath of her parents' divorce and their own immaturity and self-involvement, along with her mother's struggle to put her life together after addiction, left Tracy with no set boundaries or reliable authority figures to provide discipline and unconditional love and support. The value system at home was ambiguous and therefore, her personal identity was impacted in this chaotic setting.

This led to Tracy's innermost struggle between wanting to be autonomous AND independent from her parents; but more importantly, her desperate cry for help to gain her parent's guidance, understanding and support. This must have been an emotional 'tug of war' for her as she was trying to pull away from her parents to gain independence, but desperately seeking their time and affection.

Tracy exercised her control of personal choices and behavior through compromising her values and morals when she shoplifted in order to impress the "It" girls and obtain an acceptable and hip wardrobe to fit in with her peers. I believe this is a good example of what Nucci was talking about with, "control over the personal allows for self-discovery and the coordination of what is 'outside' with what is inside the 'true' self". (Nucci, 2009) Tracy discovered that she had power over her decision (inside herself) to steal to get what she wanted- a new group of friends (outside) and wardrobe to fit in. I realize that Nucci was most likely referring to the positive aspects of control; however, adoloscents can abuse that allowance and use it towards their advantage in a negative manner too.

As counselors, I believe it is important to remember that, "there is a similar age-related trend toward greater control over the personal within the school setting." (Nucci, 2004) We have to meet our students where they are at (emotionally and socially), in order to successfully communicate and build trust and rapport. As Professor Wanda Evans pointed out, "What rings true for one person may not work for another."

As school counselors, we must approach complicated cases, such as Tracy's, with the understanding that we can listen, show empathy and provide options; while recognizing that we are not in the position to heal wounds or successfully solve student's problems because it is ultimately up to the students to do that for themselves. It is our role to present school expectations and norms to the student while explaining how their choices may effect their outcome. For example, with Tracy, I would address her chronic tardiness and disregard for school rules, and her failing grades.

I would say, "I understand that you may feel that your personal life and schedule takes highest priority; however, let us review our school policy on disruption and tardiness that pertains to your first period Science 101 class and the other ones too. Consider this as your final warning- should you decide to arrive late to Science 101 class one more time, you will fail that course. In addition, we have noticed that your school work ethic and grades have changed dramatically over the past four months. At this point, you are facing three 'F's and two 'D' grades for the semester. I am her to remind you that if your teachers do not see marked improvement during these final four weeks of classes, you will not only fail these courses, but will have to retake your 8th grade classes all over again next year. Now that you realize the seriousness of the situation, is there anything I can do to help you regain your good standing in class and improve you attitude at school? Is there something happening here at school or home that is hindering your progress that you'd like to talk about? I am here to help you in anyway I can so that you can succeed with your grades and improve your situation. I believe in you and your potential and have seen the endless opportunities that are available to you, if only you would realign your thinking and get back on track with your studies and refocus your thinking to the important matters at hand."

At this point in the conversation, I believe that Tracy would have realized that her personal choices and behavior could lead to serious consequences that would affect her goal to become a freshman, and has also minimized her control and ownership of self. As a counselor, learning what is important to a particular 'at risk' student may be a good starting point of discussion in our attempts to assist the adolescent make a positive change in behavior in the school environment and beyond.